Sunday, July 16, 2017
Monday, July 10, 2017
Friday, June 9, 2017
As I contemplate my marriage, I am realizing more every day that marriage is not meant to be a life sentence. As people, we change over time based on life experiences. We often find that through these experiences we change. For some couples, it is a harmonious pairing and they can change and grow together. For others, the pairing is not harmonious and the change is so much that at the core, they become so different from who they were when they first got married. The pairing becomes contentious, adversarial, and so deep in resentment. The relationship becomes toxic and draining. While many might see this as a form of failure, it is actually not a failure, but a signal to grow and evolve. At a deeper level, it's an invitation to heal the old scars and emotional wounds from the past.
Marriage is not meant to be a self-imposed prison with people at each other's throats most of the time...if not all of the time. The illusion that "everyone goes through this" is false. Sure, there are good and bad times in all relationships; but when something is deeply wrong, it creates the condition of a soul-sucking experience and it becomes a self-imposed life sentence by choice. I became more aware of this choice when I learned of a term called "Conscious Uncoupling"... a term that releases a person from the self-imposed notion that says we fail when we leave a toxic relationship. Instead, Conscious Uncoupling means honoring the memory of a relationship in a way that recognizes it as a teacher, and as a necessary part of our own inner growth. With Conscious Uncoupling, neither party is good or bad, but changed...and changed for the better, if we so choose.
"Nearly everyone comes into a new marriage idealizing their partner. Everything is perfect in their minds because they’ve misidentified what marriage is really about. As far as they’re concerned, they’ve found the love of their life, the person who understands them completely. Yes, there will be hiccups in the process, but by and large, there’s no more learning left to do. They’ll both be the same people 10 or 20 years from now as they are today. When we idealize our partners, things initially go very well as we subconsciously project our own positive qualities, as well as the qualities we wish we had, onto them. This positive projection, as it’s called, happens during the honeymoon phase of the relationship where both partners can do no wrong in each other’s eyes.
Sooner or later, the honeymoon ends and reality sets in, so does negative projection. This is usually when we stop projecting positive things onto our partners and begin to project our negative issue onto them instead. Unfortunately, this creates a boomerang effect as these negative issues always come right back to us, triggering our unconscious and long-buried negative internal objects, which are our deepest hurts, betrayals, and traumas. This back-and-forth process of projection and aggravation can escalate to the point where it impacts our psychic structure with even more trauma.
For most of us, these old unresolved issues can be traced back to our first intensely emotional relationship, the one we had with our parents. Because most of these old wounds are unconscious to us as adults, we’re subconsciously driven to resolve them, which is why many people end up with partners that are very similar in key ways to their mother or father. If we’re not in tune with this type of dynamic within our relationship, all we end up seeing is the repeated mistrust, abandonment, or other issue that’s followed us through all our previous relationships. We never see that it’s the signal to heal the emotional wound that’s connected to it. Instead, we choose to blame the other person.
Because we believed so strongly in the 'until death do us part' concept, we see the demise of our marriage as a failure, bringing with it shame, guilt, or regret. Since most of us don’t want to face what we see as a personal failure, we retreat into resentment and anger, and resort to attacking each other instead. We’ve put on our armor and we’re ready to do battle. What we don’t realize is that while a full body shield may offer a level of self-protection, it’s also a form of self-imprisonment that locks us inside a life that repeats the same mistakes over and over again. This includes attracting the same kind of partners to push the same emotional buttons for us until we recognize the deeper purpose of such a relationship."
--Dr. Habib Sadeghi & Dr. Sherry Sami
Sunday, April 2, 2017
Last night I led circle, and in circle we always draw from oracle cards as tools to help us set the most powerful intentions for the coming Lunar cycle. Of the Goddess cards, I drew Kuan Yin. She is the Chinese Goddess of Compassion. The message said, "Release judgments about yourself and others, and focus on the love and light within everyone"...sometimes this is so hard to do.
The second card I drew came from the Earth Magic oracle cards. I drew the card "Waterfall - Effortless"...this card reads...
"You have come to the edge of your comfort zone and find yourself fighting to resist moving past that perceived precipice of who you are, how you can be, or what you can do. Spirit is asking you to step beyond the edge and allow yourself to do so with ease rather than struggle. Yes, at times physical exertion is necessary, but when performed with fluidity and grace, even when the task seems daunting, you'll find that the movement moves you effortlessly..."
How often do we resist and struggle against change...even when that change is good...even when that change is so needed? The path ahead can be so very difficult, because we often end up doubting ourselves and doubting the good things that are trying to make their way into our lives. We often block ourselves from receiving the good that is trying to materialize. For me, the meaning of these cards are urging me to go with the flow and to trust Spirit while holding compassion for self and others...to suspend judgment and see the love and light within everyone, and to love unconditionally no matter what the circumstances appear to be. I am ready for this. So many beautiful things are depending on this in my life.
For this new moon cycle...this Mystic Power Moon...I will endeavor to place my faith in Spirit. I will powerfully endeavor to flow like the Waterfall with grace and not to struggle and resist against the beautiful things that are growing and taking place in my life. I will aspire to love unconditionally starting with myself, and to become my own truest love first so that I can be that truest love for others as well.
Monday, March 20, 2017
This fire calls to me every so often, in waves, in cycles, as needed. Mind you, dear reader, there are always gentler times in between, full of softening, bliss, deep comfort & nourishment.
But the fire knows just when to call again."
Wednesday, March 1, 2017
The new moon in Pisces, which happened Sunday, brought about the theme of Devotion...which asks of us these questions. What do you stand for? What or who are you devoted to? What or who would you die for?
For me, it is all about freedom of body, mind, and spirit, as well as knowing that I must have these things in order to accomplish my purpose and mission in life...to have patience and compassion for myself as I learn to live and grow in service of the divine feminine; to help people connect to that deep place within themselves, to their hearts, and to the divine within.
For this cycle, I am devoted to deepening my connection with spirit, so that it may guide my heart towards accomplishing a divine mission and pathway to love. It will mean setting healthy boundaries and removing all unhealthy attachments, demands on my time, and neutralizing barriers to create and maintain the space I need to learn, heal, love, and grow. It also means having patience and compassion for self, as the healing journey is never linear, but often a messy circular cycle with both good and challenging times involved. I know that as I overcome the challenges, I will continue on a transformative journey. That in itself is such a gift.
So now I ask you...
What are you devoted to this cycle? What does devotion look like for you? The answer to these questions will come from a very deep place. If you are still and quiet long enough, you will feel your heart guiding you. Listen closely...listen deeply...trust it. Find your devotion, and you will find the source that illuminates you deeply...that which nourishes your spirit also feeds your inner light.
Sunday, February 19, 2017
You see, we create our realities through our thoughts and through the way we perceive situations around us. We affect our quality of life and our precious nervous system pays dearly for it, because this type of stress drains us...drains our energy...and drains us of our precious life force.
When we choose to be powerful, it doesn't mean that every day is stress free. It doesn't mean that we go around wearing rose-colored glasses all the time, and ignore the truth when it's painfully obvious and clear. What it does mean is that we consciously choose to acknowledge that there is always something we can do to change things...to make things better.
Choosing to be powerful means that we remain awake to our inner-guidance which is always there and ready to guide us if we are quiet enough to listen...if we remain conscious enough to give ourselves the space to hear what Spirit needs to say.
Choosing to be powerful means recognizing the responsibility we have to ourselves for creating our own happiness, and not resolving ourselves to "fate"...no matter how bad things seem...we DO have a choice.
Choose to be powerful. Your best days are yet ahead.
Friday, January 27, 2017
This recently happened to me when I came face to face with my own awkwardness regarding feminism, and what it truly means. For all my life, I never gave much thought to the word “feminism.” Whenever it did come to mind, it was always from an external source or person saying something derogatory and negative about it…that feminists are all “man-haters’ and quick to judge all other women who weren’t “feminist enough.” Over the years, I learned to tune out these negative voices, and in doing so, I also tuned out the word and the divine feminine deeply connected to it. I tuned out the feminist in me, and in the process, I shut off my inner-voice, and suffered greatly for it without even knowing why. There’s an old saying that says “ignorance is bliss.” However, when Spirit intends for us to realize something about ourselves, it can often bring it to our awareness in the most stark and startling ways. It can cause an earth quake of grand proportions to shake us to the core from deep within.
This recently happened for me when a discussion on social media awoke me to the truth of who I am. It made me realize that I am indeed a feminist in heart, and in character, and that there is so much more to sisterhood and leading circles. Suddenly, I felt this overwhelming sense of falling short. Although the spirit of the discussion was very kind and generous, I felt such a deep sense of shame over my ignorance of not knowing about feminism, and of not knowing what it truly means. This overwhelming feeling caused me to pull back from leading circle. Before canceling, I wrote the following message to my circle:
“As the moon wanes into her darkened grace, I have recently realized that I too need to wane and step back from leading circle for a while. As an awakening woman, I am feeling awkward, vulnerable, and not feeling like I am ready to lead a group of beautiful women like yourselves until I can get right within myself and within my own femininity. For this reason, I am canceling all circles and waning with the moon into darkness. I am not leaving permanently, but I am taking this time to resolve and come to terms with what is awakening inside of me, because only then can I be a strong circle leader for you...to become someone you can truly get behind. Until that time, please be well and be blessed.”
My feelings of inadequacy in that moment were so strong, and my shame was so deep, because here I was leading circles without any clue about feminism and the significance of it…not just for myself, but for my sisters-in-circle as well. My ego and inner-critic came out to me with a vengeance. I beat myself up inside pretty bad, and I cried my eyes out for most of the night. I had planned to retreat from EVERYTHING, and had announced this intention to my circle-leader sisters and tribe that I would not be leading circle for a while and why. My shame and despair ran so deep. The pain of my despair was too unbearable and so very painful.
I felt completely lost, because for the past year, leading circles had become so important to me. I had overcome severe social anxiety issues and old bonding wounds related to a deep mistrust of other women. I had overcome these deep issues within myself to rise and to lead, but now here I was “failing” at what had become so important to me. The healing importance of circling is so profound. I found my tribe when my heart was breaking. Their love, presence of mind, and spiritual depth helped me to find my own way home to myself during one of the darkest times in my life. I knew there would be many others in my community who were feeling as I did, and I knew that leading a circle would indeed provide a needed service in my community…to provide a safe container where other women could explore their own inner-waters, find their way home to themselves, reconnect to that inner-light, and reconnect to their inner-voice in a world that would see them conforming in silence. Leading circle had become my soul mission and purpose in life, but I felt like I was “failing” it through my own ignorance of what feminism is.
My freefall into darkness was sudden and so painful, but it’s times like these when Spirit comes through the strongest for us, and it did so for me when I received an outpouring of love and support from my tribe the following morning. Their love and encouragement saved me, and my shame dissolved into a heartfelt sense of gratitude and relief. Through the love of my tribe, Spirit came to me and let me know that everything is ok…that it is ok to be imperfect…that it is ok to show up as I am, and to lead circle from the depths of my heart. I am learning and I am growing, but this state of “unknowingness” does not mean that I am unworthy. A big part of learning and growing is having compassion for oneself during the awkward times. One of the bigger lessons of this experience is learning to have a presence of mind that can silence the inner-critic when it starts screaming. Yes, this was a very painful learning experience for me, but I am still so very grateful. I have emerged a better person, and more self-aware of who I am…a proud FEMINIST on a MISSION!
Monday, January 23, 2017
I had to share this passage from a book I just started reading. It hits heart and home.
“I have been preoccupied with the question of why women have this limited ability to access their power and voice that nothing they do seems to ameliorate or resolve. As I look around the world of women, it seems as if our lights are off. We are turned off, like a light switch. The bulb is in there, but it sure isn’t lit up. And it is no wonder. We have all been taught to turn off, to turn away…
Turn away from the homeless person begging for change. Turn away from the impact of climate change that we each deepen with our daily actions and inactions. Turn off from our own emotions.
No one had to teach us to turn off. Our culture models it with actions so much louder than words. So many of us were taught to back away from our strong emotions—to find them embarrassing, ridiculous even. So many of us were taught to keep a lid on anything and everything outrageous. To just turn it off. We turn off our life force, turn off our feelings, turn off our sensuality, and as a consequence, we turn off our power” (Thomashauer, 2016, pg. xvii)
–Regena Thomashauer, “Pussy: A Reclamation”